being a working mum Archives - A Baby on Board blog

On not getting anything done when you have small children

Gillian — Wed, 12 Oct 2016 08:40:58 +0000

Is it possible to get anything done when you have small children? If so, how? I wrote a post about getting nothing done when you have a newborn right back when I had a newborn and I think of this often nearly two years on. Mainly because *whispers* I’m not entirely sure anything has changed. The problem is that once you stop having a newborn everyone expects you to get back to normal as if this entirely life-altering thing hasn’t really happened, then there’s work and life and more things and just so much more stuff you need to get done, all around the priority of looking after your children. And it’s a very finely balanced house of blocks, especially if it’s so easily knocked over by no-one sleeping in your only evening time or sickness or naptime being interrupted by one of these or some kind of thing happening on your precious days of childcare. It does get easier, though, and some days I feel can do it all and more and have won life’s plentiful lottery and everyone’s happy. But other days I still never have any hands. Or time. And it feels like my to-do list billows away into infinity, while I stumble helplessly after it in a fog of sleep deprivation. Did anyone see that baby brand video everyone was forwarding of a working mum having an evaluation meeting with her boss, who shows her video clips of her co-workers and family saying ‘She’s amazing! How does she manage to do it all?’ And she tears up and it’s all warm and fuzzy and it’s supposed to make you realise you’re doing much better than you think? Watching it, I couldn’t escape the feeling that my video clips would be people saying ‘You owe me an email!’ And ‘You forgot my PE kit!’ and ‘You still haven’t ordered the blinds or finished painting the walls or dropped all the clothes off at the charity shop or writen that amazing thing or taught your daughter ten different languages!’ (Because I’d clearly be giving my own imaginary appraisal). But there’s always time for the important things, and, apart from being my / your own worst enemy, there are all those crucially important things you *do* get done – nurture, love, hold, listen, talk, answer, just be there for your children – that you can’t measure and certainly can’t tick off a list. And it will get easier when they’re both at school. And get older. But then that means we’re also closer to a time when they won’t need me, which I suspect will be the most difficult task of all to manage. And there’s always time for those other really important things. Like talking about Pokemon at a million miles an hour or eating ice lollies on the cold days or dancing round the living room to Ghostbusters or Katy Perry. What to-do list? More posts…24 questions I have about time, things they DON’T tell you in NCT and the battle of who can get dressed

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Conversations with mum guilt

Gillian — Mon, 02 May 2016 22:12:21 +0000

Oh mum guilt, and its many manifestations. It’s a funny old thing, isn’t it? The conversation often goes something like this: Me: I refuse to feel mum guilt. Go me! Mum guilt: Hi Gill Me: What are you doing here? Mum guilt: Just wanted to say hey Me: Really? Come on, you know you’re not welcome here… Mum guilt: I know, but I thought I’d see how you were doing. And about that thing… Me: What thing? Mum guilt: You know, *that* thing. Me: But it’s 3am and I’m trying to sleep Mum guilt: Yeah, I know, but… I’ll just pull up a chair shall I? Guilt seems to be an inevitable part of the motherhood make-up, along with caffeine, striped tops and red lipstick. I really, really resolve not to feel it. But like a tired and teething toddler it follows me around, tugging at my skirt. I feel minor flashes of mum guilt about many things, including, inevitably: bed times, balanced diets, screen time, the fact they only ever go swimming on holiday, being late because of this, the thought of this happening again, telling one or both of them to hurry up right after I’d read one too many Huffington Post weighty think pieces about ‘how I’ll never tell my daughter to hurry up’ and the list goes on. But the latest one is finding out Florence doesn’t speak at nursery. She’s a talker from a long line of talkers (don’t get me or my mum started. I mean it). So it was a surprise to find out she just doesn’t speak at nursery – she speaks on the way there, she chatters away as soon as I lift her over the gate, she’s just silent there. If actions speak louder than words, what does it mean when she refuses to use any? It’s a warm and nurturing environment, she settled in quickly and has a great time (honestly – I’ve seen her when she hasn’t seen me). She just doesn’t speak. While everyone has it down as a case of simple separation anxiety or shyness, for me this is now a full-blown case of oh my, what am I doing go her?! Me: ARGHHH, am I damaging her for life. Is she traumatised, what am I doing to her, am I, am I? Alex: I’m sure it’ll be fine Mum guilt: Enters stage left.What’s that you say? MmHmmm… *head tilt and knowing look* But, as I have to remind myself, mum guilt shouldn’t be a factor when you do things in the best interests of you both based on the best possible decisions. If you left your child with a pack of wolves while you went for a nose around Selfridges then out for cocktails till dawn and came home two days after then you probably should feel guilty about it. If you’re making the right decisions for you and your children then you shouldn’t feel guilty. I think. I know it won’t go away, and you’ll always hear it as background noise. I think it’s probably quite healthy, in small amounts. But maybe it’s time to change the conversation to make it go something like this… Mum guilt: Hey Gill! About that random thing… Me: NO! Mum guilt: Woah! Calm down… Me: Shhh. SHUSH. So down with random mum guilt, I reckon. I refuse to listen. More posts…things they don’t tell you about in NCT (like the guilt!) five ways my mobile makes me a better mum and how London changes when you’re a parent

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Shhh! The secrets of the nursery day…

Gillian — Thu, 07 Apr 2016 05:00:07 +0000

Just want to start out by saying I love my amazing children more than life itself, but sometimes having a break is great, isn’t it? Motherhood can be ever-so-slightly full-on when you’re ‘on’ from the crack of dawn – and throughout most of the night – and during the waking hours you’re everything, from a human climbing frame to a moral compass and a literal sounding board, but mainly a moving surface for stickers, all at full speed…it can be on the tiring side. Even when I sneak off for a few seconds one of my mini Columbos will follow saying ‘Wait a minute mummy…is that chocolate?’ Foiled, again. But if you’d told me a few years ago that working would feel like a break, I’d never have believed you. Did you ever see that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie talks about her secret single behaviour? Where she indulges in all the things she loves doing but could never do in a relationship? That’s kind of how I feel about my work / nursery days. Where, despite multi-tasking like a maniac to get the mother of all work to-do lists crammed into my minimal childcare hours, it’s also both weirdly relaxing and a chance to indulge in my secret nursery day behaviour. Don’t tell anyone. but when it’s just me around I like to: Drink tea, while it’s hot. This is pretty much a mum-given, but I sometimes go really crazy and drink about two cups in one go. Constantly, throughout the day Eat a snack in full sight and not have to share it, and only feel slightly guilty about it (only slightly) Eat things that aren’t nutritionally balanced, at the completely incorrect time (popcorn for my second breakfast? Why not?) Listen to the silence… Listen to some music that’s not the Muppets soundtrack or anything Disney. My own music, what a concept! But the weird thing is I’ve completely forgotten what music I like. So when faced with Spotify I draw a blank and start reaching towards the Frozen Fever folder. Thank goodness for playlists, fodder for the permanently indecisive since online streaming began Take a really long shower that’s set to ‘scalding’, with no bath toys for company Have a conversation with anyone with absolutely zero risk of having one or both of my boobs being exposed. Inevitably, I also find myself texting my husband saying ‘ oh, I miss the guys!’ Wondering what they’re doing. Looking at photos of them. And racing to nursery to pick them up. What secret things do you do on those rare mum-break moments? *** Nominations in the MAD Blogging awards close in the next few days, and if you’ve not nominated I’d love one in the best pre-school blog category…and will stop mentioning it shortly, honestly! You can find the form here x *** More posts…inevitable truths about newborns, things they don’t tell you in NCT and how my mobile makes me a much better mum

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Everything I’d rather do than my tax return

Gillian — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 12:48:08 +0000

One of the best decisions I made after having a baby – in fact, ever, I think – was to go freelance instead of returning to my pre-baby, 9-5 (8.30-7) job. It’s made my post-baby work / life balance better in ways I could never have imagined, and has allowed me to do things I love as well as branch out into new and different areas. But the small downside to all this is having to do your own tax return. I have to admit that it sounds terrifying, but isn’t, actually, that taxing – just very admin-heavy – but the deadline is fast approaching, and guess what? I’m procrastinating. I know, I know, you can pay people to do it for you, and I know I could have done it at any point over the past nine months, and I know it’s very last minute, and arhhh. In my – very poor – defence, I started it weeks ago, and have basically sorted all the sums out – I just need to double check and do it, especially as today is one of my rare childcare days. But I’m not. What are all the things I’d rather do instead? Make ten cups of tea and eat half the tin of biscuits Paint my toenails Unload the dishwasher Load the dishwasher Washing, again Contemplate overhauling my skincare regime and wondering if buying some expensive skincare means I really will double cleanse every day Start tidying out the loft, aka our version of Monica’s messy closet, ahead of our loft conversion Take ridiculous photos for Instagram Anything involving Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc etc. Contemplate what to have for lunch Contemplate what we’re having for dinner Contemplate emptying out the rain-filled paddling pool of doom More tea Wonder about 50 x times what the children are doing Write a blog post about not doing my tax return, in lieu of not writing any other blog posts this week because I shouldn’t until I’ve actually done the thing, to explain why I’ve not written any posts this week Remember to tell my children to do things as soon as possible, instead of putting them off to the last minute Anything. The thing is, it’s not that bad and once it’s done I’ll be so relieved, and smug. so why am I not? Right, I’m going in. But first…I could totally make a tax-themed playlist on Spotify couldn’t I? More posts, if you’re also putting off doing something important…things they don’t tell you in NCT classes but TOTALLY should, inspiring ideas over on TalkMum, and things to do during naptime.

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The problems with being a work-from-home parent

Gillian — Fri, 28 Mar 2014 07:11:55 +0000

For well over a year now, ever since I decided not to go back to my pre-baby job, I‘ve been working as a freelancer. It has been, for the most part, brilliant. I have work-life balance for the first time in my career, get to be my own boss, love what I do and spend lots of time with my daughter. With occasional forays into an office, I mainly work from home on the two days that Eliza goes to nursery. It works for us and everyone’s happy. However, working from home is not without its challenges and obstacles, I’ve noticed, And it seems to present an particular set of problems when you’re a parent… Everything I read about working from home mentions the brilliance of being able stay in your pyjamas. However; need to drop your child off at nursery first? You’ll definitely have to put some proper clothes on. And it’s pointless changing back into them when you’ll need to go out to get them a few hours later. You don’t work in an office, but everyone else in your entire street does. And they ALL have an obsessive online shopping habit. Which means that several times a day, a delivery man will ring your door – “Ooh, delivery for me!” you think – and then you’re faced with someone sheepishly asking if you mind taking something in for next door (“…oh….Again?”) The hallway is lined with parcels, none of them for you This also means that no-one else is around when you go to do the nursery run, which is the only time of day your own parcels seem to arrive However, going from working in a busy office to being solo at home can be quite, well, quiet. So you’re secretly glad to see the delivery man for a chat, and the builder knows your entire life story, why you’re eating cake for breakfast, and your long and rambling theories on recent news events. To be fair, you now also know all about his evening, children, what he thinks of the news, and how to construct downstairs cloakrooms in cupboards It’s hard to pick a parenting label. I’m a working mum, but part time. I stay at home, but I’m not a stay-at-home mum (for some of the week) Where do I fit? There’s no Christmas party when you freelance…but on the other hand there’s no 6am cold, prickly grip of fear, shame and hungover regret. That’s your festive bonus, right there Making your own lunch is never as nice as going out for a burger, burrito or fancy-pants sandwich. Especially when the only things in the fridge are Babybels and Thomas the Tank Engine yoghurts As my desk is the kitchen table, I often find crayoning in my work notebook, glitter on the laptop, and an assortment of plastic play figures in my paperwork. OK, so I jest (slightly). In all seriousness, not going back to my old job is the best decision I ever made. Are you thinking about it? Do it!

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Talking TalkMum

Gillian — Wed, 08 May 2013 16:12:27 +0000

I’ve been meaning to write for a while about what I’m now doing work-wise, and for various teeth and sleep related reasons I’ve not quite got round to it just yet. I will soon, but in a nutshell I officially finished maternity leave at the start of the year and have been freelancing part-time since January. One of the things I’m working on at the moment that I absolutely love is a community management role editing TalkMum.com. TalkMum is a collaborative blog set up by the people behind the Pregnacare range of vitamins, designed to talk all about issues around trying for a baby, pregnancy, and being a new mum (so, pretty much right up my street then…) It involves working with some fantastic writers, including Fran, Rachel, Kiran, Eleanor, Nat, Marissa, Fozia, Anna and Cath. The new theme for May launched today – it’s birthdays, milestones and memories, and you can read lots more from previous months in the February, March and April round-up posts. (And if you’re reading this and would like to know more about getting involved with writing, or want to write a guest post, just drop me a line). On the nursery side, thank you for all the lovely helpful comments about Eliza settling in, it seems like so long ago! She now absolutely loves it and will even bring me her shoes and bag on the morning of her nursery days. The best part of any working day though is always the really long hug when I pick her up, and seeing how animated she is, with crazy hair, covered in food, and babbling away on the journey home. Photos: big thanks to the TalkMum bloggers in March.

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