toddlers Archives - A Baby on Board blog

Help! What happened to my taste in music?

Gillian — Fri, 23 Jun 2017 04:30:20 +0000

Last week a friend sent me an email, offering a spare gig ticket she had. Which was lovely… …but I had NO IDEA who the artist in question was. None. I had to look up their current hit on Spotify, but even then, I was clueless. I had never heard of them, let alone heard them and had an opinion on whether I liked them or not. What happened to my taste in music? Where did it go? We recently googled the Glastonbury line-up as I had no idea who was playing (still not much of a clue, now). After suffering two years wading around the festival knee-deep in mud in my teens, I now love watching Glastonbury from the comfort of my sofa. In fact it’s my favourite thing to snooze to over the summer. But I can guarantee I’ll spend much of the weekend saying ‘Who?’ I’m pretty sure I couldn’t name many, if any, of the current artists in the current Top 40. Is the Top 40 even a thing? Aren’t these things you’re supposed to just instinctively know? I know one of the signs of getting old is your musical taste, well, maturing, but seriously, how has this happened? I reckon this one is 100% on having children. Let’s look at the evidence: Before babies: I used to listen to music all the time, from the office stereo through to gigs and pubs and always, always had my headphones on (forgetting my headphones was enough to ruin my whole commute) Post-babies: I don’t really go out anymore, especially not to gigs (mainly due to the fear of this). And I never have headphones in even within ten feet of my child (mainly due to fear of this, clearly, because I should be too busy enthusiastically mouthing the words of nursery rhymes at them instead, especially when they are an oblivious newborn). Even when they’re in bed, all I want to listen to is the blissful sound of silence. But, but, we always have music on in the background in the day (thanks Alexa! You make listening to music really easy when my hands are full of the joys of toddler-grappling). The big difference is now, I don’t pick any of it. It’s my children doing the DJing. The big difference is now, I don’t pick any of it. It’s my children doing the DJing. So here are my top five music choices currently beinglistened to, as dictated by my children: TV theme tunes: Coming in at number five, we have children’s TV theme tunes. Catchier than a cold at an epic teenage snogging contest. TV theme tunes are the eternal parenting earworm. Paw Patrol, Topsy and Tim, My Pet and Me (My pet, my pet and meeeeee. sorry / not sorry). While not something you’d fire up on Spotify, you hear them frequently. And hear them once, never get rid of them. Film soundtracks: I LOVE film soundtracks as they are as entertaining as watching the film with none of the screen-time guilt. Film soundtracks are a mum’s best friend and should be a secret weapon in the parenting arsenal. Frozen, Star Wars, Muppets, Trolls, all great soundtracks. But once you’re in the grip of that particular soundtrack, it’s all you hear. Forever. The occasional current hit: Me before children: ‘My children will listen to my music choices and they will learn to love them!’ Me after: ‘ Haha.’ However, I can sneak a newish-to-them song in at a rate of about one a year. A recent example of this is Ed Sheeran’s Shape of You. although a recent occasion when my five-year-old was singing ‘The cluuuuuuub isn’t the best place to find a lover’ in the aisles of our local Co-op did make me question my parenting strategies somewhat. Our house currently dances to the beat of the ‘Oh, Jeremy Corbyn chant’ and I sang my daughter to sleep with it. Does that count? Power pop and dodgy disco: We listen to a lot of Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, all the predictable and saccharine usuals. And *then* there’s the really, really dreadful ones. Remember Blue? No, not the boy band but *that* song by Eiffel 65 that was played at every single student disco everywhere. Did you know they ALSO released music that wasn’t Blue Da Ba Deee? Yep, we’ve heard their entire back catalogue. Then there’s Gangnam Style….oh Gangnam Style. Has over 60 million views on YouTube, most of them from our house. The Moana Soundtrack: What can I say, expect…Coming in at number one with an entry all of its own is our current favourite. I don’t mean to sound like a broken record about film soundtracks, but this is the one. More infectious than a small child with chicken pox, this bad boy has it all. Rousing, big numbers. Heartfelt, emotional solos. It’s pretty fresh for us as we’ve only listened to it eleventy billion times. Yet. But, embarrassingly, I think I actually do love it as much as the children. YOU’RE WELCOME. However, a bonus track. We’re ALWAYS singing. My children haven’t yet realised that I can’t, in fact, sing. Finding not one but two people to do harmonies with you is an unexpectedly brilliant side effect of parenting that no-one tells you about in NCT (and one of the great things about saying bye bye to the baby days). No, you’re the one getting funny looks in the shop. No, YOU’RE welcome.

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It’s tough being two, and more of my current parenting mantras

Gillian — Fri, 07 Apr 2017 04:25:38 +0000

It’s tough being two…life with a toddler The well-trodden path of parenting is paved with phrases and mantras, from the well-intentioned ones you tell your friends and other mums (‘It won’t hurt that much!’) to the ones that other people tell you (usually, ‘Cherish every moment!’ from old ladies on the bus while all of your children are crying in tandem and you haven’t slept in a while and can’t remember your own name, let alone when you last washed your hair). Most of them are complete rubbish, aren’t they? Often served with a side note of irritatingly wistful nostalgia from those who have forgotten all the bad bits. But then there are a couple of golden ones, a couple that actually give some light at the end of the tunnel in the slightly shadier times. Like it gets better. or it’s only a phase. At the moment, it’s tough being two is one that actually helps. Confession; I’d kind of forgotten about two. I know people talk about amnesia around childbirth (seriously, do you ever forget?!) But what has slipped my memory more is the day-to-day-ness of this age. People talk about two as a one-sided thing, one that’s all about the tantrums. But this isn’t strictly true; here’s two things I’d forgotten about two, in particular: Two seems to exist in a dual toddlerdom state of astounding, awesomely heart-melting cuteness and the amazingness of them suddenly doing all the things combined with a delicate fragility that makes you want to wrap them in your arms for infinity and hide them forever near your heart. But at the same time – and often exactly at the same time – two-year-olds can also be quite, well, let’s say, tricky This. Times two. Million. Are there any toddler mums out there who are going through two? I’m right here with you. In spirit, waving wearily from the sidelines. If it makes you feel any better, my daughter wore her pyjamas to both nursery and playgroup last week (there’s definitely a market for mum slogan t-shirts that say ‘I took the path of least resistance.’) It IS tough being two, which is something I remind myself many times a day. Two is tough for toddlers because the world is opening up before them and they are catapulted into this strange and exciting country where they can’t yet read the guidebook properly, don’t fully speak the language of all these big emotions and can’t really make people understand them. And they just want to make their own way round but there’s always a tour guide chasing after them to put socks on and spoiling all the fun. But at the same time it is tough being two for parents too, as I keep reminding myself. It’s exhausting, tiring, you need world-class negotiation skills to navigate and decipher the tricky daily manoeuvres of mealtimes, the time-suck that is leaving the house and all the mini tasks like finding out which socks are semi-acceptable today. Some more things I know about two: Somewhere in the distance is the two tipping point where it’s less and less about the tricky times and more about all of the awe and wonder. Most of it is really only a phase As a mum of two, I also know that I took my five-year-old out to lunch this week, where she sat happily for a good hour then we went on a pleasant trip round some shops. ‘It really does get easier!’ I told myself But at the same time, three’s hardly a breeze. Nor is four. And to be honest, even now I’m in my thirties I’m sure my dad does a little grimace every time I ring for tax advice. It gets easier but it’s never going to be easy, is it? Such is the rich complexity of mum life. But I think with two, especially, you have to do what you do – which is to mainly take it day by day. And at the moment, cherish the smooth and get through the rough. Two more of my life mantras: This too shall pass This two shall pass (And two more – it’s bedtime soon! And the sun must be over the yard arm somewhere, right?) More posts…useful advice for second-time mums and what I don’t miss about the baby days

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Five Reasons I Won’t Miss The Baby Days

Gillian — Wed, 15 Mar 2017 04:50:27 +0000

Five Reasons I Won’t Miss The Baby Days… It’s All Change Here: No More Babies Why I won’t miss the baby days…Since one mini member of our household started school and the other moved up to the toddler room at nursery, it seems like we are firmly out of the baby days. There are no longer any No eye-wateringly bright Lamaze toys littering our floorboards, me and my NCT class friends no longer even have lengthy debates about how to pronounce Lamaze and our cupboards are completely free of clothes that require fastening with poppers. It’s Unchartered Territory I know we have been technically out of the baby days for ages, but it seems like something that takes a while to get your head around. I still think I have babies (kind of) and still think of myself as a new mum (because what’s the alternative? Mum mum sounds like my mum. Old mum is…well, unappealing, for obvious reasons). It’s also unchartered territory as this far into toddlerdom last time I was pregnant again and preparing to be in baby central once more. The Eternal ‘Shall We Have Another Baby?’ Debate And it’s likely that we will stay in unchartered territory as we will be clearly debating this for infinity (Usually me, with myself, mainly in my head, because my head says one – sensible – thing then my hormones say another, usually ‘you must have another baby! Noooow!’ Always at completely inappropriate times. Followed by this frenzied conversation. ‘Me: Shall we have another baby? SHALL WE?! My husband: It’s the middle of the day! I’m in a meeting! Don’t text me now.’) 5 Reasons I Won’t Miss The Baby Days But while where we are at is bringing up some conflicting emotions, I can totally see the benefits of being here. So here’s the things I won’t miss as we wave bye to the baby days: The everlasting empty day: People who say ‘the days are long but the years are short’ really aren’t kidding, are they? I’m standing here now looking back wondering where those years went but also reeling at the memory of those early baby and toddler days that start at the dawn of time and stretch on forever, where it’s always raining and someone’s crying and you’ve done everything and already eaten lunch and it’s only 9am. Followed by a long stretch of time topped off by the time from 6.50-7pm that lasts at least 24 hours. The school run now gives us two hard stops and more structure, which, as annoying as it can be, means we leave the house and it breaks the day up somewhat. It’s now a novelty to do nothing. Never knowing what was wrong: Despite the reason usually being wind / viral / hunger, you can’t really ask a baby what’s up and ever get a satisfying response, can you? Which can you leave floundering. Now if a distress signal sounds I can ask the question and get an answer (which is usually ‘I’ve lost my Barbie!’ or ‘We need more snacks.’) Teething: I will never, ever miss this. We now have this instead. The massive baby bag: I do not miss constantly lugging around the massive baby bag of stuff up and down stairs and in and out of the house and on and off the pram (the giant bag that contains ten changes of babygros and 500 nappies and wipes but never any wipes when you need them, the usual things). It’s so much easier to travel light now. Apart from ten changes of clothes, a million crayons, drinks, snacks… Having no-one to chat to around the house in the day: Both of my children are now fully formed little people who have opinions and you can hold actual conversations with. Often for hours without getting a word in edgeways. They are fun and brilliant to be around and do random stuff like agree to pose for photos with me (about 2% of the time). And they play, with each other. This doesn’t happen for AGES with second children, but when it does it gets really good. The other day they played together for a really long time. I *gasp* read a magazine.I went to make a cup of tea. I drank it. I tidied some things in a pile. They played on. I flexed my empty hands and got out my phone to text my husband…oh wait. However, Here’s What I DO Miss About The Baby Days: The excitement and promise of pregnancy / tiny babies and meeting them for the first time / the awe and wonder of all the firsts and watching them unfold into life / tiny babies, asleep on your chest. Tiny… Oh, baby. Must not text my husband at work…must not text my husband at work… Once You’ve Read My Post On Why I Don’t Miss The Baby Days: Read more posts…things they don’t tell you in NCT classes, Everything you’ll obsess about in the first year Follow me on Pinterest and our Bugaboo Bee 5 review

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Don’t call me baby

Gillian — Thu, 06 Oct 2016 04:50:00 +0000

How long can you call your youngest child – who might well be somewhere in the region of, say, around 23-and-a-bit months – a baby? Asking for a ‘friend’ who had a conversation recently while out for lunch that went something like this: Friend: Oh, the baby can have this off the menu… Friend’s husband: *Interrupts* Who? Friend: The BABY – you know! Our youngest child Friend’s husband: She’s not a baby! She’s nearly two! Friend: Arghhh *downs largest glass of imaginary wine on the menu* Oh, man, my friend just can’t give it up can she? And…oh, yes, it’s me. But seriously, how long can you legitimately call them a baby for? I know that clearly she’s definitely a toddler and all that brings with it, and has been for a long long while. Especially as she now calls other younger children ‘baby’. And has very definite opinions about what she wants to wear (yellow wellies) and have from the menu. And I know I’m much less obsessed about the passing of baby milestones second time round – we recently threw the cot out without a backward glance, probably because it had been taking up room in our room forever, we never used it and it really hurt when you walked into it in the dark. So no nostalgia about that. And I only really know her age in months as it’s so close to the end of when you even refer to them in months. It’s not like I’m clinging on to the last fragments of the baby days, wailing. But, oh baby. I still call her that…it’s almost like a reflex action really, isn’t it? Just because she’s the youngest and isn’t that what she is? There also seems like something so final about not having a baby any more, especially as there’s no immediate plans for a third baby (especially not today when I’ve just spent most of my life doing bedtime). So as one normally does in these moments of medium drama, I asked my mum. ‘You and your brothers will always be my babies!’ She said. Me and my brothers are all in our mid-to-late thirties. So I reckon there’s still some time left. More posts, how not to do bedtime, truth and lies in Topsy and Tim and just had a baby? Here’s some terrible advice.

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Presents for two-year-olds, with Me&Buddy

Gillian — Mon, 12 Sep 2016 04:00:35 +0000

I’ve been thinking about presents for two-year-olds recently, as someone has a birthday coming up soon (yikes!). Two’s a funny age, isn’t it? It’s that mid-toddler stage where they’re in to everything but still too little for lots of things – plus what presents do you get the two-year-old who(‘s sister) already has everything? Step forward Me + Buddy, brand new children’s lifestyle store featuring a whole load of hand-picked, design-lead products for babies and toddlers which are all useful AND looks beautiful, plus make perfect presents. Brands include Aden + Anais, Storcsac, Ferm Living and Nor-folk among others, and there’s lots of things for mums too, including uber cool Tiba + Marl change bags. I was asked to pick out my favourite products, so here’s some ideas on a second birthday theme with my favourite presents for two-year-olds, including… Design Letters alphabet cups…I already bought the E cup for Eliza last year, so knew her sister would like her own (plus you can also get the lid to turn it into a sippy cup – genius!) And what could be a better present than a top with your age from it? You can get this Nor-Folk number t-shirt in a couple of different colours and ages. Also books – which you can’t ever go wrong with at any age. I loved this Pop Art Baby board book and Babar’s Yoga for Elephants (I loved Babar when I was younger! So this is basically for ME, but thought it was a nice accompaniment to Cosmic Kids yoga). And finally we have so many toys already but I loved this little guy, a fox wobbler from Kid O (anyone remember Weebles?) Me & Buddy is the brainchild of Madeline Walsh, mum of two – Buddy is the nickname she gives both of her children – who believes parents should be able to buy baby and toddler products that are stylish and fit into your existing lifestyle. At the moment there’s 10% discount off the first order when people sign up to the newsletter and a free Buddy the Bunny bag with every order. I think it’s a mark of a good baby store when you want everything (for the…children, of course *ahem*). And I really do – there’s so many stylish baby essentials and beautiful gift ideas. Thanks to Me & Buddy for sending us the products in the post for review…More posts…a toddler room tour, making a felt ball garland and two things for mums of toddlers to know

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Things you’ll know if your child is a really early riser

Gillian — Tue, 06 Sep 2016 04:00:12 +0000

They say the days are long but the years are short when you’re a parent, but when you’re the parent of a really early riser, the days start at the dawn of time and stretch out before you like a marathon. Is your child a really early riser? First time we were on regular first-name terms with an hour with a five in it’s title – ouch. Second time round has been better, slightly, but combined with this it’s all a bit of a…*stifles yawn* There’s a particular kind of conversation to be had this early hour: Toddler: HI! Me: Urghhhh Toddler: Hi, wake up! Me: Urghhhh…go back to sleep Toddler: No way! The world is WAY too exciting Me: I love you with absolutely every fibre of my being, you completely amazing thing, but please, go back to sleep… Toddler: Come OOOOOOn. Let’s go and play! Let’s take this duvet off! And after a spate of recent super-early starts, here’s some early morning observations on everything you’ll might possibly know but be too-tired-to-remember if your child is an early riser: There’s a time that exists before CBeebies, and BOY it isn’t pretty. But being awake this early means you can get up and really make the most of the day! Isn’t that brilliant? NO! I just want to go back to bed The light is either a really on-trend shade of grey or really fresh, golden and pretty at this time though, and it’s life-affirming to see the sun rise. Shame you can’t focus properly and everything is blurry It’s always far too early to do anything other than have strategic sofa cuddles. Crafts and paint and enthusiasm can wait till later…like 2017 later If there’s a chance of a lie-in, you’d wildly bargain away ANYTHING ‘I’ll change all nappies for a year…just let me sleep till 8am’…’Take everything I own! I mean it!’ Plans you make in a fit of early morning enthusiasm often have to change when it inevitably starts raining an hour later Being awake at a time when you used to come in from a night out is kind of strange. And if you had even a small glass of wine last night and are up this early there’s no chance you won’t be mildly hungover 9am feels like lunchtime. And by that point you are ten pints of tea down, with a half-loaf-of-toast chaser But STILL not dressed and this still takes forever Yes we’ve tried that and that AND that, thanks. And NO it doesn’t work. Thanks, though There’s a special place reserved in the naughty corner for parents who moan about 7.30am being early ‘because they normally sleep in till 9am at least’ You do get used to it, but you never like it. Keep repeating: they will grow out of it though Did you know Richard Branson and 99% of the world’s richest people get up at 5am on purpose? Waaa! I’ll give them a million pounds to come and babysit They do grow out of it…they do grow out of it…they do…zzZZzzz You resolve to go to bed early, tonight, once you’ve snuck in a few hours of doing nothing and checking the internet till midnight. Oh, maybe tomorrow… More posts…if baby milestone cards were made for mums, everything you’ll obsess about in the first year and 25 things I had *no* idea about pre-babies

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Fighting the battle of who can get dressed

Gillian — Thu, 01 Sep 2016 08:23:40 +0000

I think I’ve identified the major pressure point in why it takes so long to leave the house when you have small children; it’s getting dressed. Or more specifically, the daily battle to get everyone dressed. Before lunchtime. Or some days, at all. Does this sound familiar? Tell me it’s not just us flailing around in our pyjamas well after breakfast on those days when we don’t have much to do? Getting dressed sounds really easy – get clean, find clothes, put them on (wasn’t that a 90’s band name?). But throw a pre-schooler and a toddler into the mix, and it’s likely to all implode. Especially as getting a quick footed toddler dressed when she’s running at high speed around the house is the equivalent to lassoing an excitable, suncream-wearing octopus. Often the first battle is devising some sort of daily shower strategy so I can a) I get a shower and b) no bored unwatched children hurl themselves down the stairs like a missile in the process (this usually works either by getting up in the middle of the night when my husband’s still here. Or strategically penning them in the bath at the same time. Usually with half a bottle of bubble bath). And then the battle commences… My daily battle; try to find an outfit for me that subtly screams ‘practical play park chic.’ That’s not already covered in a million hand prints At this stage, mid-getting dressed, it is inevitable that the doorbell will ring Give up the outfit hunt and wear a striped top instead Try to locate my make-up (last seen, who knows where? Always located someone completely random like the top shelf in the toddler’s room. Why?) Attempt to prize make-up from the toddler’s hands. And off her face. (Oh, *that’s* why I put it up there…) And then the toddler / pre-school dressing battle commences… Attempt toddler nappy change. Toddler only wants to wear a Frozen nappy. We are out of this particular ‘style’. Spend five minutes convincing her that the non-branded boring ones are the same, really, and oh look – what’s that over there? Locate at least two outfit choices for each child, that vaguely match and are vaguely tasteful; often refused outright Locate several different outfit choices for each and inevitably end up with something that is fancy dress or has a picture of a Frozen character on (Me before children: ‘They are never wearing anything with a cartoon character on!’ Me after children: ‘I just want to leave the house at somre point in my life!’). The clothes-strewn bedroom floor now resembles Primark Oxford Street on a sale day Gingerly attempt to put clothes on the toddler and hope she won’t notice. Ha Attempt to make it fun, make it a game, use reverse psychology, anything, ANYTHING. Ha Attempt to wrestle her into them instead, with varying degrees of sucess Say ‘Oooh! Shall we put our clothes on? What a great idea!’ to the pre-schooler. Many times Say ‘Ooh! Shall we put our clothes BACK on?’ many, many more times Chase two children around the house, waving tops and pants like a battle flag Temporarily give up and cancel all plans other than lying down in a darkend room instead Be revived by ten cups of tea, hunt down two pairs of matching socks Attempt to re-engage distracted pre-schooler who’s become obsessed with anything else, like making a dance routine or some random thing she’s suddently rediscovered, like the wall Referee some kind of fight, deal with a wasp-based crisis, reject pleas for ice lollies, CBeebies or glitter Try and find alternative pairs of socks (usually ones with Anna, Elsa or a superhero on them) Regret only doing one load of washing the previous day Locate hairclips. Remove about a hundred hairclips from hair Locate and hunt down two pairs of matching shoes Find other pairs of shoes (usually, wellies in summer and sandals in winter) Put on some kind of last-minute added accessory, usually sunglasses, superhero masks or party hats If it’s summer, then vaguely remember sun cream Attempt to go through the rest of the leaving house stages. Including teeth, which is a whole other story. Recently, one more than one occasion, one of us – mentioning no names – has been so insistent on not wanting to take her pyjamas off that she’s worn them to nursery. Twice. Those days I wore my slogan t-shirt that says ‘I took the path of least resistance.’ But think about it. Isn’t this a great example we can all follow? I mean, who doesn’t want to not get dressed and wear their pyjamas all day? Come on, let’s start a trend. It might mean we’re vaguely on time for school… More posts…More things they don’t tell you in NCT classes (like why getting dressed is so hard) unexpectedly brilliant breastfeeding benefits and two things for mums to know about tantrums

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Four fifths of Finding Dory…

Gillian — Sun, 21 Aug 2016 22:43:46 +0000

Would it be a terrible idea to take a fidgety and very active 22-month-old toddler to see Finding Dory at the cinema? – Question I asked myself this week when the opportunity arose (our friends were going, E has been wanting to go for ages, it sounded fun – what’s the worst that could happen?) I felt positive. I felt optimistic. Text conversation between me and my husband that followed: Me: What are the chances of F sitting through an entire film at the cinema? Him: Zero Me: Oh I felt…slightly less optimistic. But as it turned out…? Florence was transfixed by the screen and reclined happily upon me for the vast majority of the film. She turned slightly fidgety during the final 5th, wailed and lurched towards the aisle while I frantically tried to gather all our things so we could leave for fear of disturbing the whole paying cinema. But then she fell asleep. Which meant I got to watch the end and everything. What are the chances? I’d heard a few negative things about Finding Dory and how sad it was, which it was, for parents especially I think (but it’s also also happy – not giving anything away here). I probably would have shed a tear or two if I’d watched the entire thing as you normally watch a film and not with a toddler using you as a deck chair while you’re sat, tensed, ready for something, anything to go wrong. Eliza loved it though. Other random things we have also been doing this week: Dancing to Blue Da Ba Bee about a million times (yes, the 90s University cheese club classic – they love it. They especially love the video, which is a brilliantly dated video game with special effects) Playing ‘Olympics’, mainly involving jumping on the cushions and doing ‘gymnastics’ by swinging between the two sofa arms. I imagine this scene has been repeated in homes across the world. I already miss the Olympics! Still not buying school shoes. Still pondering this Still having no idea where these are going… Thinking hurrah, the Night Tube has started – oh wait, it’s not of much use to me at the moment (other ways London changes when you’re a parent) Anyone seen Finding Dory? Or been up to anything particularly interesting? More posts…things I had no idea about pre-children and unexpectedly brilliant breastfeeding benefits

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Hair clip 100; a mystery of mum life

Gillian — Thu, 18 Aug 2016 05:04:12 +0000

One of the great mysteries of mum life… …where do all the lost hair clips go? Having two daughters with a lot of hair, we get through a lot of hair clips. I buy packs and packs, again and again. We’ve had glittery ones, pink ones, silver ones. neon ones. ones in every colour of the rainbow. Patterned ones, plain ones. Ones with My Little Pony on or all of the Disney characters, all at once. Yet every single one seems to vanish. Eliza used to wear at least one to nursery, every day, and would come home without it, every day. No-one ever knew where they went. I once hunted down the nursery lost property box which had hundreds in, and only about two were ours. Perplexing. So where do they disappear to? Are they hiding somewhere, perhaps beneath the floorboards, along with all my lost credit cards? Have they taken a holiday on a one-way ticket with all the odd socks, never to return? In recognition of her big sister, Florence has now upped her hair clip game and wants to wear one at all times (last night I attempted to take it off when she was fast sleep. I’m not kidding, she sat straight up and said ‘Where’s my haiiiirclip?’ I like my hairclips, with a side-order of mum guilt, obviously). And she will now only wear one with a Frozen character on, which makes for an frantic search in the morning. This just adds to the many other mysteries of mum life – why does bedtime happen at the end of the long day, when everyone’s already exhausted? Why don’t we get a teacher visit – as seen on Topsy and Tim – yet everyone else does? And what exactly is behind the addictive lure of Paw Patrol?

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How not to buy school shoes, in 101* steps

Gillian — Thu, 04 Aug 2016 21:47:48 +0000

While already out shopping, decide to get ahead of the game, for once, by buying school shoes early. Ahaha! What a brilliant idea. Inspired. School shoe shopping, with two children in tow and only one of me. What could *possibly* go wrong? (Footnote: this, or possibly this) Go forward one step. Approach shoe shop with an overwhelming sense of optimism, coupled with a growing sense of trepidation…Inch gingerly forward half a step. Lift doors open on the children’s floor…and it’s completely empty – yesss! Take a ticket and the number is called immediately. Go forward five smug steps. Forgot socks – rookie error! Go back five steps. Decide to get the toddlers feet measured too. Great plan until she turns into a flappy, shoe-refusing, snake-footed wailing octopus. Shoe assistant, who is in training, makes a look that says ‘I am never having children.’ Go back ten tiny toddler steps. Try and survey the school shoe display while simultaneously chasing toddler round shop and replacing the hundreds of displaced display shoes she leaves in her wake. Go back ten steps. Find lots of styles the pre-schooler actually likes. Keep toddler occupied with trying on a series of big shoes. Hurrah! Take a giant leap towards the sign in the distance marked ‘primary school.’ Send the assistant off to the shoe cupboard saying ‘Anything as long as they’re not patent please, not for school shoes!’ Recognise that voice is that of your mother (hi mum) Take one step back and fall into a pit marked ‘inevitable.’ Try not to make a face when shoe shop assistant returns with the only three pairs in your daughter’s size, two, predictably, in patent. Stand still, on the spot. Pre-schooler instantly falls in love with the one pair of suitable school shoes and must have them now, please, now, but the first assistant has called his colleague over and they are taking forever to decide on the fit. In the meantime it all goes downhill quickly – the shop is now rammed, it’s 101 degrees and the toddler is taking steps towards the big, tempting displays and tall, shiny sale racks, Take 50 steps, sprinting around the shop after her. It’s a no on the fit, and there’s no correct size in stock. Negotiate with the upset pre-schooler while trying to get the cross toddler in the pram, shouting ‘I’ll buy them online! I’ll buy them online!’ to the more pushy second shop assistant wanting you to order them on the spot. Take as many steps as possible in the direction marked ‘exit.’ Retreat home to the safety of internet school shoe shopping via the wine and bribes shop. Forget to order shoes. Add it to the ‘to do’ list. Clearly shelve it till the last minute…Lose count of all steps. But who cares. *Approximately. I lost count. Also, photos are of us at the beach last weekend because we have no school shoes to photograph! Yet. More posts…how not to leave the house, in 1000 steps, on children, shoes and choices and to all the less than perfect mums

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